The wedding between Hamas and Fatah will leave Hamas in charge while Pallywood leader Abbas will be the pretty poster boy to the outside world.
Love is reportedly in the air between Ramallah’s Fatah and Gaza’s Hamas. However, don’t expect any jubilant church bells because they have been replaced with minarets.
The Egyptian matchmaker Abdel-Fattah el-Sissi has worked hard to promote this unholy Pallywood union through his network for lovesick Jihad singles. Will el-Sissi also muster the courage and propose to the mother of Hamas – the Egyptian Muslim Brotherhood?
Needless to say, the EU is paying for the wedding cake and the Hamas Fatah party. Mr. Bean, who oversaw Four Weddings and a Funeral in England, reportedly fears that there are more funerals in the cards.
“Fatah, do you take Hamas to be your unlawfully wedded wife to bomb and backstab in sickness and declining health, in good times and woe for richer or poorer EU terror funds, keeping yourself solely unto your harem as long as you both shall Jihad?”
“By the authority vested in me by the State of Pallywood, I now pronounce you hustler and whacker.”
“You may kiss your bearded bride but at your own risk. Be alert and make sure that the bride only cuts the wedding cake.”
Both sides have agreed to implement confidence-building measures. Hamas promises to only throw out Fatah terrorists from rooftops on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Fatah reportedly reciprocated by promising not to arrest Hamas terrorists who only target Israel.
The classic Pallywood pop band “Phased Plan” performed at the wedding party with their signature hit songs from 1974 “Killing You Softly” and “Step by Step.”
The union between Fatah and Hamas is essentially a marriage of convenience between a subtly nasty Mr. Hyde and an explicitly nasty Mr. Hyde. The only thing missing is a more pleasant Dr. Jekyll, who is generously provided through EU’s wild imagination and denial of uncomfortable realities.
The EU Missions in Jerusalem and Ramallah have welcomed the “recent development regarding intra-Palestinian love.” The EU urged the Pallywood bride and groom to “engage in good faith”. Hamas chief negotiator Saleh al-Arouri reminded the EU that the corporate culture in Pallywood is slightly different from Disneyland. Mr. Arouri said that the purpose of the marriage was that all of Pallywood can “work together against the Zionist enterprise.” Hamas has even promised to end its terror in Judea and Samaria and “only” attack Jews from Gaza. Isn’t that lovely and in the best of European “pacifist” traditions? Who said that only Tibet can produce a Dalai Lama? The European Union says it wants a two-state solution. Instead it got a two-non-state Frankenstein’s monster problem: Fatahland and Hamasistan.
So what is the deal between Hamas and Fatah? Well, they basically agree to disagree. Pallywood leader Abbas demands that Hamas disarms. Ramallah is reportedly committed to send 3000 security personnel to Gaza. Since Hamas has no intention of disarming its 25 000 battle-proven armed terrorists, Abbas should provide his personnel with sufficient numbers of white flags and generous life insurance policies.
Hamas has graciously accepted that Ramallah assumes responsibility of Gaza’s civilian duties while Hamas continues with its underground military parties. A marriage where one spouse is responsible for collecting garbage while the other is hanging out with friends in halal underground pub tunnels, will probably not be long-lived.
In his timeless novel Anna Karenina, the celebrated Russian author Leo Tolstoy writes: “All happy families are alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” In the case of Pallywood, the only thing that unites Fatah with Hamas, is their obsessive genocidal hatred of Israel and the Jewish people. They differ more in style than in content.
Pallywood’s Oxfordian English will come handy when Hamas makes politically incorrect statements in English.
When Hamas says in English: “Wipe out the Jews”, Fatah will agree in Arabic and then smilingly tell CNN and BBC that Hamas was misquoted and insist that Pallywood is “committed to peace between Donald Duck and Mickey Mouse.”
The European Union is the largest sponsor of Pallywood terror and kleptocracy and will urge Israel not to get stuck in “semantic details” like “live in peace” vs “rest in peace”. Only in an Orwellian world does it make sense to negotiate “peace” with someone that wants you to rest in peace. Will the West also initiate a “dialogue” with ISIS?
The deal between a weak Fatah and strong Hamas is a sequel of the deal between a weak Lebanon and strong Hezbollah. Like Hezbollah, Hamas will be in charge and use Pallywood’s Abbas as its pretty poster boy when Uncle Sam and Aunt Angela Merkel pop by to deliver wedding gifts to the Pallywood bride and groom.
Daniel Kryger is a writer and a political analyst. He lives in Israel.
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